We all have questions we ask each day – some to ourselves, some to our dating partner or the man we are in a relationship with. Some, naturally, are more important than others – like the questions we ask ourselves, for instance.
Let’s say you are in a new[\spin] relationship. You are dating this fantastic new guy and things are going attractive, romantic and he totally cares about your day. The perfect guy that Christian Carter was talking about, right?
Later, after the relationship is not so new, you start seeing a few childish behaviors from him, or he starts drifting away a little bit, or maybe not realizing all the things you do for him. Maybe he ditches you to go to a game or to play pool with his buddies.
You, being a woman, start reading all the dating advice you can get your hands on. You read your horoscope, and you check out Christian Carter and Catch Him and Keep Him, (which is, if you can’t tell, one of my personal favorite dating advice experts). You start analyzing everything he does or says to you. You imagine what he is thinking, you imagine him eyeing other women or even being unfaithful.
So, you finally decide to “have the talk” with him. You boil it down in your brain until you have just the right words. You know that if you just tell him these things, that he is going to see what you are going through. But when you actually have the talk… it does not go the way you hoped at all.
Instead of him understanding your desire to better your relationship – he got irritated or withdrew from you. He did not hear what you were saying with your heart – he heard complaining and whining.
Have you ever lived this scene before? Perhaps in a former relationship? Is this maybe a not-so-great pattern that you have with relationships? Why is he not hearing what you are saying to him?
This is the prize winning question for most women. Because what it is really asking is not necessarily what I can fix in HIM, but what I can fix in myself. I firmly believe that as women, we spend far too much time trying to fix other people, when we really need to focus on OURSELVES.
There is a pattern here you can fix, such as getting too involved in a relationship too soon, or showing negativity, resentment or even suspicion. Are you needy, dependent or trying to manipulate him through things you do or say? Christian Carter, in other words, taught me the best thing I have ever learned when it comes to dating advice Thank you, Christian, for teaching me that.
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