Between work and errands, home care and driving the kids to and from social or sporting events, it might seem like you hardly have time to sit down and relax.
When you even think about making time to do something special with your partner, the thought of doing just one more thing could tire and stress you out even more.
Of course, you love your mate. And, of course, you want to keep your relationship alive, connected and passionate. But you just don’t seem to have the time or energy to make it happen!
If this sounds like your life, you’re not alone.
One study recently conducted here in the U.S. found that over 75% of the couples interviewed want to spend more time with their significant other and around the same number are craving greater romance in their relationship.
We believe that if you want more time together, romance, and passion, you can have it. And it doesn’t have to involve hard work!
When it comes down to it, if you want to be in a close love relationship, it’s vital that you open up to a new way of living where you and your mate aren’t just “two ships passing in the night.”
Your relationship deserves and requires care and attention– just as your children, your home, your job and your own body do.
We know, with all of the responsibilities you might have and the various people and things calling for your attention, it might seem impossible to fit in yet one more thing.
It seems easy to take it for granted that your partner will always be there for you and that “one day” you two will return to fostering the romance and connection you both crave now.
Don’t take anything for granted– especially not your relationship.
We aren’t trying to scare or alarm you.
But if you’ve ever planted a garden, you know that in order for the plants to thrive and grow, you absolutely have to feed, water and care for them. Your relationship is your garden. You can choose to grow one that is alive and flourishing– it’s up to you and your mate.
Reconsider your might remember a time when you were younger and a parent may have counseled you to “get your priorities straight.” Perhaps at that time in your life you were most interested in partying or socializing and other aspects of your life were suffering as a result.
It’s probably a bit more complicated now. It’s highly likely that you have many priorities– all of them being very important.
We suggest that you reconsider your priorities anyway. This doesn’t mean that you have to rank your kids below your relationship or your job below your partner in order to have the connection you want.
Instead, it means that you get clear within yourself and with your partner that your relationship is, indeed, one part of your life that you value highly.
You might already assume that this is the case and assume that your partner feels the same. It can enact a powerful shift merely to declare that nurturing your relationship is as important as caring and loving your children and succeeding at your job so that you can support yourself and your family.
If your relationship is a priority, say it and really feel how that resonates within you.
Come up with an action plan. As you feel the strength of declaring your love relationship a priority, create an action plan with you partner. Together, brainstorm specific ways that the two of you can foster the connection you want.
Make a long list of possibilities and be specific. Feel free to add to it when you feel inspired. Now keep it somewhere you both have easy access to it.
With your action plan, include goals and agreements. For example, you and your mate might agree to do three connecting actions from your list (or something new that one or both of you come up with) each week.
This might mean that you stay up after the kids are asleep and snuggle on the couch watching a movie together on one occasion. Another evening, you could give one another foot massages. You can even do this as your whole family sits around the living room together sharing about your days. And yet another time you might arrange child care and go out dancing together.
Allow for your connecting actions to be simple as well as more involved. Some might involve financial expense and others are absolutely free. Certain activities may take hours or days while others could be only a few engaged and focused moments.
You can connect deeply and meaningfully by stopping what you’re each doing and looking into one another’s eyes saying “I love you.”
Hold yourselves accountable for following through on your connection action plan. If you find that you’ve fallen out of this new habit you’re trying to develop, just notice that and return to your list or ideas.
Often, the blocks we have are most solid in our minds and not as solid as we perceive. If your time feels so tight and you feel absolutely unable to give energy and attention to your relationship, look at the thoughts you are having about yourself, your life, your relationship and time itself.
Know that you can re-connect and enjoy an alive and passionate relationship if it is important to you. You can nurture that kind of closeness moment by moment with an open mind and a willing heart.