For a good while, I’ve had to talk to numerous people about
how to let go of harmful relationships. Getting out of harmful relationships
has been a very hot topic in the press for several years. The topic seems
relevant to the needs of many. However, there is a danger to such a negative
outlook. With such a collective focus on avoiding or escaping from destructive
relationships it’s easy to overlook the natural and non-pathological ways that
relationships often do not work out. Many times I have seen people blame
themselves mercilessly for having pursued yet another ill-fated relationship,
even when the relationship initially seemed to hold much promise. This
self-castigation is especially prevalent among the people focusing on recovery
from co-dependence issues. Like most self-blame, it’s destructive as well as
Too many people view relationships from a pseudo-scientific
perspective: If you make a wise choice in a partner, then the relationship will
work out (assuming you make the “right” moves as well). If you hold
this belief as being your own, it may be laying the foundation for accumulating
shame and low self-esteem. The problem is that relationship skills are
probabilistic at best. You can behave in “better” or
“worse” ways to influence relationships but you cannot control them.
They are NOT scientific and they don’t rely on exact procedures. There are no
“right” choices! The myth of control is dangerous even though it
seems reassuring on the surface. If you assume relationships can be controlled,
then when one doesn’t work out you will likely conclude that you either did not
make a wise choice in a mate (i.e. “dumb choice”) or that you didn’t
manage the relationship the “right” way (i.e. “dumb
moves”). These messages accumulate more shame and evidence of your being a
defective human being, … Continue reading »
something enviable about couples who’ve found each other and are enjoying all
the benefits of a long-term relationship. It’s an idea most people aspire to, yet relationships can be a minefield,
causing all kinds of distress and heartbreak on your way to finding Mr. or Ms.
Right. If you’re single and would like to find your soul mate, is there
anything you can do to improve your prospects? The good news is there are
actually quite a few ways you can help yourself find your perfect match.
- Be true to yourself. If you pretend to be something you’re not, you won’t find the right person because you’ll be projecting a false image of who you are and what you’re like. You may get dates, but they probably won’t be with people who are going to be a good match in the long term.
- Knock off the rough edges. This might sound contradictory to point one, but it isn’t. You don’t need to change who you are to make yourself more appealing, but you might want to consider whether some of your bad habits could take the shine off for a prospective mate. Personal hygiene is also a key attribute in the dating game, so pay your dental hygienist a visit and make sure you’re always clean.
- Be open to possibilities. The romantic ideal is to be swept off your feet or bowled over by some enchanting stranger and fall madly in love like in a Hollywood movie. However, it very often happens that the most rewarding and enduring relationships are formed between people who start off as friends, with romance developing over time.
- Make an effort. One thing’s for sure; you won’t find anyone by staying in all the time and not making an effort to get out
… Continue reading »
1. You’ve moved on from the dating scene
If the whole dating scene feels like something from another life, you’re ready for the next big thing. Some people have a miserable time dating, others love it. But at the point where it seems over for you, take it as a sign that you’re ready to get married. A comedian once said he realised that he only ever went out in the first place, to find someone to stay in with.
2. You’ve stopped looking
You realise that whereas with other dates, you had half an eye on who else was around, you’ve stopped doing that. You’re not constantly scrutinising people as potential dates or partners, or wondering if the perfect person is really out there. The relationship people, Relate, have a good summary of the pitfalls of online dating – https://www.relate.org.uk/relationship-help/help-relationships/being-single-and-dating/pitfalls-dating. If that strikes a chord, it’s another sign you’re ready for marriage.
That settled feeling is because you’ve found what you were looking for and are ready to move on with your life.
3. You won’t feel insecure
If you’re ready to marry, you’ll feel secure. You won’t be jealous, or worried about the person finding someone else, because they’ll make it clear that you’re the most important thing in their life. And that’s an important step on the path that ends up with both of you looking at diamond engagement rings https://www.comparethediamond.com/diamond-engagement-rings.
4. You won’t need to play games any more
Dating can feel like a battlefield, or a test of resilience. There is so much games playing and insincerity in the dating game, as well as one upmanship, pretence, and sometimes plain lying. One of the key signs that you’re past all that, is you don’t need to play any of … Continue reading »
Decide What You Want
If you don’t know what exactly it is you’re looking for, how will you ever find it? Be honest with yourself about what type of relationship you’re looking for. Knowing what you want saves everyone a lot of hassle.
You would probably be pretty disappointed if someone turned
out completely different in real life, then they were online. Think about how
it would feel, because others will most likely feel the same way you would.
Don’t pretend you’re someone you’re not just to connect with someone. If you’re
looking for a serious relationship, honesty is the best policy.
Write A Great Profile
In the online dating world, your profile shows who you are.
Try to keep it light and friendly, and avoid sounding too negative. Stay away
from writing personal information such as your last name, home address, phone
It’s a proven fact that you will receive twelve times as
many responses if you include a picture. It’s a good idea to post at least two
pictures- one head shot, and one body shot. That way, people won’t think you’re
trying to hide something. Showing pictures of you doing the things you love is
a great way for people to get a good idea of who you are.
Chat On The Phone
Before you meet in person, a phone call can tell you a lot
about a persons communication skills, and whether or not you have any sort of
real chemistry. (Never give out your phone number unless you feel completely
comfortable doing so.)
Meet Only When You Are Ready
When you chat with someone online, you can collect
information gradually, therefore you can decide whether or not you want to meet
in person. With online dating, you … Continue reading »
Do you feel bored with your marriage? Or, are you having
suspicions that your husband is having an affair? Do you feel like getting out
of all the burdens of married life? Don’t do it yet!
Yes, maintaining your married life is not easy. There will
be a lot of trials and challenges to face and if one of you is not strong
enough to hold on to your promises, you married life will grow dull and
lifeless and in no time, both of you might want to get out of it. But, marriage
is sacred and it is something to be kept and respected by everyone. That is why
before you think of divorce, think of ways to repair your marriage.
It is never too late to repair your marriage now! Check the tips below that might help you fix the relationship you have with your partner.
relationship you have with your partner.
1) Talk to your Partner
Perhaps the problem in your relationship is lack of
communication. Do not hesitate to make the first move to converse with your
partner. Just do simple talk such as asking him or her after work on what
happened to him at work, you can ask what his boss is asking him to do, you can
ask about that officemate of his who always irritates him, or you might want to
share on what happened to you day at work. Talk about something that will make
the two of your converse. You can add a simple gesture of massaging the back or
feet of your partner so they can relax. If you’ve had arguments and have not
been talking for days, make the first move to talk and apologize. This is one
important step to repair your marriage.
… Continue reading »